Delving inward does not require that I produce works that I must share with others, or at all. It does not require that any tangible result be produced at all. At times the simple flexing of the muscles, the stretching of the sinews is all that is needed. By undertaking the change of perspective, a simple and straight forward mental reset is achieved, and new energies can be summoned.
I find the journey challenging at times, which seems illogical since it is the one path that I know better than any other, but there are unpredictable obstacles, things that trip me up. Sometimes the challenges are the expectations I carry with me, like tremendous rocks in an unlimited backpack. The real world steps in and trips me up as well, with distractions and interruptions.
I seek peace or inspiration or sometimes simply mental quiet, and those things themselves carry a certain level of expectation, a feeling of achievement or of attainment. I try to pursue the Buddhist ideal of letting go, but simply speaking that is a nonsensical and inane practice if guidance and structure are the things most needed. All the more so when the pressure of following someone else’s rules is enough to toss the slightest chance of success out the window.
On days like today, the journey is nearly an exercise of necessity, a means of hitting my minimum word count for the day, or at least grinding myself in that direction until the pen flying across the page is enough to spark something entirely different. That is all I want sometimes; to slide the pen across the page and to feel positive. Odd that I find comfort in something that is by definition a task, but I have ever been considered odd.
January 21, 2016
More old stuff that has sat in one of my many files, for further pondering or for final decision on whether to share it or not