There is no time, just the slow and unavoidable effects of entropy on my body. The perception of tomorrow to come, of aspiration and future intentions is deeply flawed, a false mental construct enforced by society’s paradigm of diligent worker and moral contributor.
I am the center, and all things orbit about me as I age, observe and interact. I know this to be an absolute truth, both for me and for the other seven billion members of my species, and that no longer feels like dichotomy. It feels like a secret, a glimpse into the heart of existence itself, that we are each our own god, and each our own tormentor.
It is repulsive knowledge because it brings to bear an immense burden and an unflinching certainty about who is responsible for all the things that I find unsatisfying in my life. It is also the closest thing to enlightenment that I can imagine, because if I truly hold the reins to my existence, and they lie solely in how I choose to perceive & perhaps more importantly react to my world, then literally nothing keeps me from utter control and fulfillment.
In releasing the construct of time and embracing universal solitude now becomes forever, and I am unconstrained by the mental cage of productivity and expectations of normalcy.